In my life, Not Enough has been hanging around since I was a young girl, when I decided that being perfect was the only way to be heard, to have a voice. Now, Perfectionism just sends Not Enough to wreak havoc.
I know Not Enough is fed by my anxiousness about what is to come, and how I will be both mentally and physically.
I chose the word “Heal” as my intention word for 2021. It was only in reading Michael J Fox’s new book that I was able to accept the words “Chronic health condition’ to describe my own situation. My digestive issues go back to when I was in the hospital after the birth of my youngest daughter, 26 years ago today. (Learn more here)
I never wanted to use the word “chronic” because I was always trying to find a solution that would make me physically whole again. I have yet to find a way to grow back missing organs and intestines!
Healing to me means coming to a place of greater acceptance of what is, learning to love me for what I can and CAN’T do, trusting that I am guided to the right doctors and healers who can help me with my current condition, and allowing myself the grace I need to break the chains of Not Enough. Recognizing that my physical limitations don’t define me is part of healing my relationship with Not Enough.
In a healing session this past week, I had an image of me as a tree, whose branches were reaching so far to try to share some light that the trunk of the tree, the core of who I am disappeared. It is time for me to come back home to myself and grow deep roots. I must recognize that as a tree, I am not meant to move and float all over the place. It is my job to stay grounded and trust spirit to blow the leaves from my branches and drop them where they are most needed.
As the now famous inaugural poet Amanda Gorman said,
For there is always light,
if only we’re brave enough to see it.
There is always light,
If only we’re brave enough to be it.
When we live from our center, connecting to Divine Source and growing the roots that nurture us, we remember where we come from. we feel Enough, because we are Enough.
And when we step into all the light we are, and accept our gifts as well as our limitations, we can BE light for others as well.